I love Vegas because it’s a town with ridiculously attractive women everywhere you go. From dancers, dealers, and waitresses to the gorgeous European tourists, the ladies are hot, hot, hot. But as my girlfriend pointed out, the guys on their shoulders are anything but.

It’s not just that they’re dressed like slobs or have terrible tans, but they actually walk around with their necks high and hats backwards in display of their supreme douchebaggery. If you frequent Hot Chicks With Douchebags, you know exactly what I’m talking about. We have one more night in Vegas before returning to reality. So maybe we’ll take some pictures.

For the last couple of days, I’ve been chillin’ in Las Vegas. It’s ridiculously hot this time of year (112 degrees fahrenheit yesterday) but Luxor had a really good package deal. Still, the transitions between air conditioned casinos to sauna-like walkways takes a toll on the body.

Vegas is a city that bombards you with advertising in the most overt way possible. There are the seedy fellows on the side of the walkways handing out cards for ‘GIRLS DIRECT TO YOUR ROOM.’ They do something with their fingers to ‘click’ the cards. I picked one up to try it out but couldn’t get it to work. Did you know that Flamingo puts pole dancers near its entrances to lure you in? Did you know that the dealers closest to the doors are always hot blonde women while the Asian male dealers are kept in the back?

But going to Vegas also helps you realize how much subliminal advertising we’re affected by on a daily basis. Tonight I stuck around the Bellagio to watch a few sessions of their fountain show. At 10:00p, they blasted Elvis’ Viva Las Vegas. It was a good show, but the whole time, I kept thinking ‘Viiiiiiva, Viagra.’

That song is ingrained in my subconsciousness. Damn you, Viagra. Are your spam emails not enough?